Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

Monday, August 16, 2010

Bummer... But Hope Anyway

The principal e-mailed me last night - I didn't get the kindergarten job. She urged me to sign up to substitute in their district though, and hoped that she'd see me around. I haven't signed up to sub in that district, but I have in my town. I figure I'll add the other town as well, since it's only the next town over and not far away.

So I'll sub this year. It'll be OK. I'm kind of sad to not get a job for another year. (Because seriously?!? What the hell is wrong with me that I can't get a job for 2 years in a row?!?) It brings up all this self-doubt - should I be a teacher? Am I doing the right thing with my life? This job that I love and think I'm really good at, apparently no one else thinks I'm good enough. That kind of hurts.

So I'll sub and I'll continue to delude myself with thoughts that we'll have a quick adoption in the fall or winter and I'd have had to quit that job anyway.

I've had other times in my life when it was really hard to find a job, and looking back at them, I was fortunate to have had really precious non-job opportunities that I wouldn't have had if I had been working. When I first graduated, I couldn't find a job to save my life. Same kind of thing as now, I went on all these interviews and didn't get any jobs. Then my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and because I was not teaching, I had so much more time to spend with her. I wouldn't trade those last months with my mom for any job security or teaching experience in the world. And if I had been at work that year, I would have missed being with her.

Last year, with no job, it was kind of my hedonistic year. I really focused on doing things that I love. I tried new things I didn't even know I loved. I took a photography class, which was really awesome and I ended up buying myself a fabulous camera and I learned how to use it. I love to bake and cook (and eat, which is why I gained about 10 pounds too...) so I spent the year baking new things. Also, I traveled a lot last year. I went to France and Spain and Ireland during the school year, and California last summer. It's been a busy year, even without a job.

I'm open to taking full advantage of this time off. I had hoped I'd take advantage of a job this year. But if not, then hopefully I'll finally get to be a mother. I do recognize how those two things are not related, in theory. At least subbing this year will give me the opportunity to continue to travel and do fun things that I like, regardless of when (if) we are matched.

But really, I have this secret fantasy. I guess it's not going to be a secret fantasy anymore, since I'm about to say what it is. Basically, it goes like this - shortly after we're finished with our home study, we're matched quickly. This is the part where the fantasy gets fuzzy, but it ends with me buying a Baby's First Christmas 2010 ornament for our tree. Fantasy, I know. But it's fun to dream...


  1. I am so sorry you didn't get the job. I'm a teacher and I know that it can be so competitive in that job market. Just out of curiosity, have you looked into private tutoring or educational companies as a means of keeping your foot in the door. I work for an educational I am still teaching...just not for a school.

    And, I have those fantasies too! I think we all do.

  2. UGH! I'm sorry you didn't get a job. It's such a competitive market; please try not to beat yourself up about it. Consider could be great and you could learn to pick and choose who you're in for. I'm not sure of your certification (grade levels) but you may want to research where you'd like to sub. If there aren't any openings (retirements) likely in a particular school, you could focus your attention elsewhere.

  3. aww, so sorry. such a bummer! but, you're right! things may happen super quickly and you may have to be home anyway. :) you never know what will happen with subbing either! we've had several people come in to permanent jobs at our school part way through the year because teachers had to go on leave for different reasons. hang in there!

  4. Who knows? Your fantasy might come true. And if not, when it eventually happens, what a lucky child to finally have you as a parent!