Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

Friday, October 22, 2010

Big Compliment, Big Decision

Let me start this off by saying that making decisions is tough for me. Mister is not dissimilar in that personality trait, so often, even the simplest decisions make themselves for us. Even picking a restaurant becomes this big, complicated ordeal.

Mister: Are you hungry?
Me: Yes. Let's go out.
Mister: OK. What do you want?
Me: Oh, I don't know. I could have anything - pizza, pasta, sandwich, burger, Mexican. Whatever.
Mister: Well, what do you feel like?
Me: Any of those. How about you?
Mister: Oh, well, any of those are fine.

Then we go on to weigh the specific merits of each pizza place. When we had it last, what kind it was, etc. Then we do the same for each pasta, sandwich, burger, Mexican place. Then usually at this point someone throws in an option that wasn't on the list.

Me: Oh... we could go to the diner too. I haven't had pancakes in a while....
Mister: True. Do you want pancakes? We could go to the diner....

At which point we will add that choice and revisit all the merits of each restaurant we can think of. And each type of food.

Me: Hey, you know it's now 10:00. We should just have cereal I guess.
Mister: Yeah.

This is an exaggeration, but only a little bit. Under the hyperbole is this nugget of truth - decisions are really, really hard for us. The bigger the decision, the harder it is for us to decide.

I wrote a while ago about this decision - basically, our agency said that they're small, their program is small and the vast majority of their domestic placements come from other agencies. They said they'll take us into their program, and they're happy to do so, but people waiting at our agency are waiting a lot longer than at some of the big agencies in the South. So they'd completely understand if we left them for a bigger, faster agency. But if we stay with our agency, we might wait for about 3 years for a match. Apparently New England is not a hotbed of domestic adoptions. Not surprising, I suppose.

Last year, when we chose our agency, we didn't think we'd be doing a domestic adoption. So we didn't pick this agency on the merits of their domestic program. But here we are.

This is where the big compliment comes in. Earlier this week, we submitted a final draft of our profile book to the program manager of the domestic program and to our social worker. Both of them said that the tone of the writing was so warm and perfect from the first page on. The pictures and the layout are both very nice and that we created a great profile. Most importantly, they both thought that because of our great, warm, nicely laid out profile, we would likely be chosen very quickly.

(OMG!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!! Did she really just say that?!?!?!? Our profile is so good that we might be chosen more quickly than the other people who are waiting 3 years?!?!?!?)

So this forces us into a decision. Wait 0-3 years at our agency with an excellent profile or switch agencies and possibly have to redo the profile that took me months to write?

Well, friends, we're out on a limb. We're staying with our small agency and betting on the high quality profile to not make us wait 3 years.

The best news about that decision is that it's not mutually exclusive of another decision. If, in 6 months, our profile has seen no action, we'll start talking with some of the other agencies and figure something out from there. So really, we win. We get to stay with the agency we've been working with, and we don't really have to make any sort of a decision until we feel like it. Now that's my kind of decision!


  1. Hello, visiting for the first time thanks to ICLW!

    Have you considered looking into a referral service like Bundle of Joy or Little Bit of Heaven? I think they'd accept any type of profile and they work with numerous agencies trying to place children. I don't know what you're thinking about in terms of race/gender/special needs/cost, etc but it might be worth looking in to them. The way they work is that they charge an application fee (like $100) and you send them several copies of your profile and a copy of your HS. Then they email around about situations at various agencies as they come up and you contact them if you're interested. If everything works out on both end then you sign up with the agency they were helping and you pay a fee (like $1-2K) to the referral service.

    We're considering this for #3. We were with one briefly for our 2nd adoption but then signed on to a local agency. Recently that agency's wait times have extended so we're looking national again.

    Anywho, I do hope it goes quickly for you either way! Though as a warning, no matter how long or soon it takes it'll always feel like it's waaaaay too long!!! My personal advice is to find a way to treat yourself (like a lavish date the first Friday of every month) and just tell yourself that each month you either get the special treat or the baby. Set up win-win situations like that. It really helps!

  2. a very big compliment indeed! i hope you hear something very, very soon.
    and i am TOTALLY indecisive. it's bad. luckily, the hubs is pretty good about making decisions. almost too good. ;)

  3. What a wonderful compliment! For what it's worth, I think you've made a great decision.

  4. That is so exciting for you! This is my first visit to your blog. I look forward to reading when you do receive great news!!

  5. Thank you for coming by my blog! We have friends pursuing an international adoption, and I always tell her how much I admire her strength in the waiting. I hope that you find a match soon, and that your profile sticks out to the right person.

  6. First visit to your blog and now a new follower. Happy ICLW!! I'm excited to have found your blog as I think adoption is on our horizon.

  7. Stopping by for ICLW - hi! Wishing you peace as you wait for your baby...and good luck with your future decisions! ;-)

  8. Oh that is encouraging! Good luck!


  9. Here from ICLW....and love the title of your blog. Hoping for you that your wait is short.

  10. I hope it will be much sooner than 3 years!


  11. glad the agency loves your profile. I hope you get matched soon.

    there are also referral groups that help you find a match. I am not sure how much they cost, or any of their names, but that is another option. Also, are you allowed to list w/ a few agencies?

  12. I hope you have good news to celebrate soon! I am terribly indecisive when it comes to the least significant things-- what to wear, what to eat, what movie to see, but I am usually pretty good at calling the more important shots. Happy ICLW!